Childhood

I've recently realized that a number of people who have gone down a path in life that has lead them somewhere they are content (or at least feel as though it "fits") had foreshadowing for that placement in their childhood.  These signals took the form of quirks in personality or odd activities that they obsessed over or enjoyed.

Why do I care about this at all?  I've been having a bit of a spiritual struggle lately, I guess you could say.  I'm unsure about life ahead and what my path might be and how to approach my life at all, etc.  One could call it a common symptom of senioritis, but for me it's been uncharacteristically hermetic, only without any sort of fruition.  So I've been keenly aware of anything that could give me a clue to my journey because I really just can't seem to take the advice, "Let it go, let things be, let everything flow."

I began to look at my own childhood and was amused by all these weird little things I used to do and be and enjoy.  At first it was just as much of a confusing mix as the plate in front of me now (with much the same leanings, really).  Then suddenly, it broke through and it seemed clear.  I cried large tears that I've only experienced in deep anguish and in meditation.  My path, if my thoughts are at all correct (and I don't see why I would have such a heartfelt reaction if they weren't at least close), is a hard one but it "fits."

Now, perhaps this is my interpretation for this current moment.  If I were to look at my childhood again in a decade, maybe I could pull a different interpretation out of it.  But the important thing is that right now it means something that makes sense and gives me a good solid answer, even if it isn't the one with which I'm most comfortable.


The reasons for this occurrence to me seem to be related to the innocence and purity of a child's mind in relation to the world around them.  Even while experiencing things that still haunt me to this today, I never chose to sit and think about it.  I don't remember thinking in the proper sense, I just remember enjoying the world around me, observing things ALWAYS, questioning people, and simply doing.  I didn't need to know why I did this or why this certain thing happened, it just was and did; I accepted myself in my place in the world.  The only time this changed was when I questioned others about the world in general or why they felt a certain way that lacked significance to me in the larger scheme of things.

I say this not to brag on myself, but because I think this is relevant to each child in an individual way.  Childhood is a time of meditation, I suppose, without even being conscious of the meditation.  And if this is true, it makes sense for this state to be connected with the ebb and flow of the universe...to simply understand the path ahead without bias or reason.

I'm also not saying that certain events throughout one's lifetime can't affect the outcome of a journey, it's all meaningful.  But I really don't think it's entirely crazy to believe that everyone is born with a specific goal in mind for their life.